4. Build An Online Presence.

Gaslighters are afraid of making public statements, as they would need to take responsibility for it. Therefore, they are rarely active on social media. And, they are afraid of those who are active. 

Notably, building your own online audience is a bit like an implicit threat to the gaslighter. If many people follow you and see how nice, competent, and collaborative you are, you take arguments away from them.

As humans, we still have that atavistic fear to avoid going public. In the old days, standing in front of the whole tribe was bad news. But now, the rules of the game have changed.

Publicity and following mean freedom and safety. The more organic following you have, the more people will trust your words and support you in need.

That’s why it is worth overcoming your fears and starting networking online daily. Please find more information about efficient networking in our articles “10 Good Reasons To Treat Networking as a Mindset” and “Make Networking a Part of Your Career Development Plan: The Depth vs The Width of Your Network.”

5. Get Support and Feedback From a Colleague You Can Count On.

We live in times of toxic positivity, especially at work. Your employers expect you to come to work with a smile on your face, and eagerly promote people who always come with good news.

In such a climate, most employees decide to suffer in silence if they experience toxic behaviors at work. This can be especially harmful to men, who are affected by toxic positivity and toxic masculinity at work at a time.

But, don’t suffer in silence! If a coworker makes you feel insane, the chances are that more people notice the same behaviors but don’t say it out loud. Instead of going straight to management, you can start your anti-gaslighting crusade by talking to your closest and most trusted coworker.

Additionally, just make sure that these conversations are confidential and NOT in print. You can chat over a beer or in an empty corridor. Just make sure there’s no paper trail of your brainstorming session.

Who knows — maybe your gaslighter changes departments tomorrow, and the whole problem disappears. Why leave evidence of talking about coworkers behind their back floating around?

6. Try To Separate Yourself From The Gaslighter: Avoid Them, Ignore Their Comments, Focus On Self-care, and Try to Be Happy at the Workplace.

If you feel that your self-confidence and overall work satisfaction are falling down, try to physically separate yourself from the gaslighter. For instance, choose a desk as far from them as possible, and don’t join the same circles at social events. Similarly, don’t share personal information they could use against you.

Also, focus on self-care and your professional development. Overall, there are multiple techniques you can use to build your sense of well-being at work. These range from mindfulness practices to a friendlier, more relaxing workstation environment.

In other words, the message is: don’t focus on your gaslighter. Instead, focus on yourself and your professional development.

7. If Nothing Else Works, Open and Direct With the Gaslighter to Sort Out the Situation. If This Approach Fails, Report The Issue.

As a matter of fact, many gaslighters are not aware of their own toxic behaviors before someone points them out. Specifically, their gaslighting behaviors are often driven by insecurities and jealousy that they are not even conscious about.

Importantly, gaslighting is extremely hard to notice in the mirror! So, politely explain to them how you feel, and point out which situations make you feel bad. Overall, the chances are good that they will reflect on their toxic behaviors and improve.

And as a matter of fact, there will be two possible outcomes. One possibility is that they become more conscious of their actions and impact on others, and improve their behavior. In fact, they might feel grateful that you addressed it directly instead of going over their head to management.

In contrast, the second possibility is that the problem will only escalate. They will feel attacked, so they’ll become aggressive and fall back into gaslighting, insisting that your perception is wrong. In that case, you should proceed to report the issue to the management.

8. If It Comes To That, Don’t Hesitate To Share Evidence and Documentation With Your Boss or HR.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your gaslighter won’t give up and keeps making work hard for you. Eventually, you may have no choice but to pass the problem on to management.

Overall, this is the solution of the last resort. At this stage, you need to take into account that in case the meeting goes wrong, you might be pushed to leave the company.

But remember that you are doing this for others as well, not only for yourself. The management might be unaware of the situation and perhaps, you will save the mental health of many colleagues.

How to Prepare Before Escalating

First, make sure that you come to the meeting well prepared. Write down the whole story of interactions with the gaslighter in bullet points so that you talk about events chronologically. Create one folder with documentation and, as mentioned before, make sure that the documentation is legal.

It is also very important that you show dry facts and documentation, and talk about situations that you experienced in an emotionless way. Many professionals falsely believe that explicitly showing how bad they feel — for example, by crying — makes their story more believable. In fact, they think it prompts the employer to respond faster.

But, this is unfortunately not true. It will put you in a bad light, especially if your gaslighter will restrain their emotions and focus on facts in the same situation.

Being dramatic will only prompt the employer to believe that you are not professional. They might even see you as overly neurotic or unstable — especially if they don’t know you and your gaslighter well.

Therefore, focus on facts. Explain what happened point by point and review the solutions that you already tried to implement before coming to your employer’s office.

Show yourself as a problem-solver and a rational person who cares about the team’s success. Meanwhile, picture the gaslighter as the troublemaker who doesn’t cooperate and disrupts the team’s professional development.

If that helps, practice this conversation at home with a friend to make sure that you can speak factually and without emotions.